The Trip - Part 3 (The Bar)

One of the most integral parts of attending BOW is going to the Bar in Halsey, NE. The owners, Leeotron and Retatron have owned it for 36 years, and over that time, they have collected every type of bar trick and joke known to man -- though I'd like to believe I added to their repertoire during my recent visit.

From my previous visit, I learned not to trust much of what Lee places in front of me, so I was quite leery to touch this thingy-ma-jig. R-Botron was braver than I was and she started twirling it like crazy.

Sure enough:

Since it's kind of dark, I'll just tell you -- it's a bullshit grinder. I could've handled that. I thought something was going to spring out and slap me or deliver a mild electric shock or something.

This little cutie is made out of beer cans, as you can plainly see, however, there is more to his make-up than meets the eye.

He also has one part made of wood (ifyouknowwhatImeanwinkwinkwinkwink.)

This leetle devil will pee right into your glass if you let him.

This is an ill-lit group photo with R-bo, Leeotron, Crystaltron (our other roomate) and big-ol' fat shiny head me taken by a real live fire man who lived in the 4-H camp! Hi real live fire dude if you're tuning in!

Could my face be any greasier or bigger?

Tasteful bar wallpaper. Classic.

I can't pass a mirror without acting afool.

This little feller apparently brought back some fond childhood memories for Crystaltron. Hahaha.

These came out of the mystery sticker dispenser. They only cost 25 cents! BARGAIN!

This was one of the few jokes I didn't quite get. If anyone would care to explain it to me, contact me at morgetron@gmail.com. Leeotron called it a boot saver ?????????? He thought is was very funny!

That's Retatron in the background. Isn't she a cutie patootie!

Retatron controlled the volume of the juke box with a variety of tools ranging from a cane, to a flashlight, to the little beer can man's penis. Hahaha. Just kidding about that last one.

I tried to find out why this deer has a Hitler mustache but no one would give me a straight answer.

I made this sign for Leeotron. I wonder if it's still there. It was the next day. I think I'm going to send him a nicer one.

This was me at the end of the night.

Actually, I wish it was because the last time I was here things got ca-ray-zay, but this trip was much milder. Being shoved through a ceiling would've kicked it up a notch.

We tried to get the party started with the juke box which had a surprisingly nice selection of songs, but it only worked when it felt like working, so like little lab rats who wanted a treat, we kept feeding money into that damned thing and only got like three songs outta the whole deal.

I have a feeling some of my readers have these. Missy? Sage?

I told Leeotron and Retatron the following jokes:

• Why Carlos is the saddest man in Mexico
• Two Southern Bells
• My two favey knock-knocks
• and it seems like there's one more but I can't think of it.

The next night Crystaltron went back to the bar and she said they kept asking, "Where's the redhead." She told them, "She's tired," which was the God's honest trooof.

Awwwww.

To be continued.

PS: Leeotron and Retatron have eight children, seven of which are boys! WOWZERS!