Tres Bizarre's Serious Interview Series: Matt from Literary Rock Star

Matt, from Literary Rock Star is one of the only blogger I've ever met in person. I, of course, dear Sillies, have a long list of bloggers whom I want to meet, but so far, Matt is my one and only. We drank beverages together at Borders one day and exchanged gifts/prizes and it was good.

Last night, as the clock struck nine, he summoned me. There I was lurking on my gmail account in invisible mode and Mr. Punctuality chimed right in.

If you haven't checked out Matt's blog, it's a very worthwhile stop, usually, unless he's on hiatus, but right now, he's not ... so go. He's one helluva writer and he's recently bought himself a new computer, so expect big things from him in the near future. Right now he's learning to play the harmonica, but other than that, he's a writing machine. He recently finished a screenplay with his friend Tony, who is the president of the Ernie Chambers Fan Club, which I did not know existed until last night ... though I should have known as there is a deep wealth of both love and hatred for that man here in Omaha. He did this in the name of Script Frenzy. He is also a NanoWriMo participant. But the interview will tell you this and so much more. Beware talk of buttsex and politics all in one zany space.

Be afraid and be amazed:

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Matt: Hrm. 9 at night, thursday ... that's your cue, darlin'

me: All right. You ready for this interview?

Matt: Yeah. What kind of interview are you looking for, anyway? I can be many things at many times.


me: This is not about what I want you be ... it is about who you are ... Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Matt: I'm many things at many times. :p So there. :p I suppose I should put away the musical instruments.



me: Which instruments?

Matt: Harmonica. * shrug * My spring/summer project is to learn to play.


me: So Matt ... * places hand thoughtfully on chin * you are a writer ... Tell me about your writing ... What are you doing right now?

Matt: Nothing. I should be, tho.

me: What was your most recent project?

Matt: Script. Script frenzy. Wrote a movie with a friend. I actually have a project I'm supposed to be working on, but I've been setting up a new computer and switching jobs and just haven't bothered to do much of anything.



me: What is your script about ? And who is your friend?

Matt: My friend's Tony. He's my ... muse is a stupid word. He's my jump-starter, ass-kicker, enabler. You understand? The person who makes me do what I should when I get petulant.

me: Sounds like a good person for a writer to have around. I saw that you are a Script Frenzy winner ... What does that entail?



Matt: Finishing the script. 100 pages, I don't know super much about that sort of thing, but I think that it's a little short for a proper screenplay. Even so, I had to fluff it to hit 100. I usually write long. It was a crazy experience. But then, the trick with screenplays vs. novels is ... we all know what a novel looks like, we'd roughly know how to go about writing one. How many people seriously read screenplays?

me: Only weirdo theater people, and English teachers as far as I know.

Matt: Well, I had read a few, and I'm neither of those.

me: Okay remove "theater" and there you have it. ;) So ... if you finish, you win?

Matt: Yeah, it's not about doing something that has ... y'know, marketable artistic merit (oxymoron if there ever was one) but about doing something you set your mind to. It's a philosophy. About not waiting until later to do something most people would never dare, and just going ahead and realizing that you have it in you.

me: Now ... onto your sexy book list. You read more than anyone else I know.

Matt: Haha.


me: I know lots of readers.

Matt: And yet I haven't picked up a book in two weeks. That says something.

me: You are the most readeriffic. Please ... tell me how you got sooo sexy.

Matt: Um ... no life?

me: No life = SEXY, yes?

Matt: Lol. I can justify spending lots of time reading. It's career research. I grew up reading lots, and it's gotten worse. I read a lot at work. Breaks and lunch and breakfast. I eat and read. Saves time, though it's hell on the books.

me: People who read are ... good peops.


Matt: Funny thing is, most of my books were read in the past three years. I tried to read in high school, but work got in the way. And college just sucked all the fun out of reading. :p Everything I read someone came up trying to analyze the book for me. I don't care. It's beowulf. Look at the blood, haha, you know? It's not supposed to be deep.


me: So ... Matt ... new job?

Matt: I'm a temp. I change jobs with a bit of frequency. It's nothing out of the norm. I took a week off between jobs. * shrug * I felt I deserved it.

me: Oooh. I used to temp. I really liked the variety.



Matt: My explanation of the appeal is "It's all the freedom and joy of quitting without the annoyance of being unemployed." ... I do data entry. I suck with t3h people, but I'm a computer demon. I do icky data project cleanup work.

me: Where's the weirdest place they've ever sent you?

Matt: I've only had three jobs so far. The one I'm at now is pretty bitching, but I think it'd classify as weird.

me: t3h ... enlighten me.

Matt: t3h what? You lost me. One subject at a time, dear.

me: what is t3h? "I suck with t3h people"

Matt: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T3h. It's not worth explaining, just link people.
I'm a huge wiki proponent. I probably read 10-20 wiki pages a day. The most useful thing to come out of the last 25 years.

me: I hate wikipedia ... the bane of the teachers who assign research papers/projects.


Matt: :p

me: I use it though. Heheh. Don't tell my students.

Matt: You hate it because your students are lazy when they use it.

me: Perty much.

Matt: When you want a quick, more or less reliable overview of subjects, nothing comes close to as good.

me: I can't argue that. I also hate it when students list Google as a source. That irks me.

Matt: lol. Isn't this generation supposed to know how the internet works?

me: No shit.

Matt: Look at me, acting all old and jaded and crap. You're allowed. You are. =D

me: Are you tryin' to rile me boy?

Matt: Someone's gotta do it.

me: It'll take more than old lady jokes. * waves cane * Hooligan!

Matt: Weren't you supposed to be gettin' with the ?s?

me: * straightens papers * * adjusts glasses *

Matt: I mean, I'm here all night, so I don't care, but you probably sleep.

me: Sleep schmeep. So, your most recent blog entry ... What's up with that?

Matt: So I finished editing the second draft of one of my novels, and I had people interested in reading it, because this is the first time I wanted feedback. I made sure they were all still interested, gave them a time frame, they all agreed, and I shipped it off. I had a 20% success rate. Pretty depressing. 2/10 is not high marks. Admittedly, those two people loved it, but it still irked me.

me: I can imagine. What type of music is your favey?

Matt: Um. I have a very ecclectic collection. I'm kind of a music idiot. I like lots of stuff, but I let it come to me. I rarely go seeking it. So I listen to the most random things. I go through phases where I'm focused on something more than others.

me: Oooh. Examples please. What's IT for your RIGHT NOW?

Matt: Um ... well, right now I'm being really tacky. I'm enjoying Madonna's new album way more than I should, and I discovered Lily Allen this week, and she's right up my alley.

me: OMG OMG OMG I love Madonna. I have a mini crush on J T-Lake too. Sick I know.

Matt: Don't we all. >_>

me: 4 minutes is supah sezzy. Even Timbaland . Freaky-Freaky.

Matt: Yeah, I don't know who he is. Lol. I mean, I know who he is. But outside the video ...

me: It's okay.

Matt: At first I'm like ... so that's the backup band for JT?

me: It's probably better for you that way. Hahaha.

Matt: Outside of that, though, my music collection is crazy. I could name some artists, if that helps.

me: List away.

Matt: The Beatles (Lennon specifically, but it's all good post-Revolver), David Bowie, Keiko Matsui, Diana Krall, Amy Winehouse, Feist, Dresden Dolls, Frank Sinatra, Utada Hikaru ... um, those are the people who never do anything wrong, off the top of my head.


me: We have similar collections, believe it or not ... except ... I don't have as many Japanese-sounding names in mine.

Matt: Two!

me: I used to have Pizzicato Five

Matt: Keiko Matsui barely counts. She does piano jazz.

me: Now I have ZERO.

Matt: I mean, I listen to lots, but most of it's fluke stuff. Where I only like two or three songs the artist did. I also have lots of soundtracks and musicals.

me: Which musicals? I tend to like show tunes myself.

Matt: Eh, more modern stuff, mostly. Hairspray, Phantom, Sweeney Todd, the usual. A few other things. Random things like South Park, Xanadu, Silence! The Musical, Singin' in the Rain, Godspell ... Bigger, but not as typical of the genre. I'm new to musicals, mostly. Growing up for some reason I thought they were stupid. I've since been awakened to the power of song and dance.

me: There's a certain cheese factor. I think that's what it was for me when I was younger ... You pointed out some images the other night in our pre-interview interview ... one was a potato. What the hell? Luigi? Blue? Japan? Tell me about ... the potato.

Matt: Oh, shit, I was gonna look that up ... Hehe. It's actually a reference, but hell if I can find it. Maybe someone else can. I once read this single comic online, it was about these frozen french fries. There was a bag of normal fries, and this crazy kids blue-french fry thing, that was gloating and all. and the normal french fries were being ignored, and halfway through in dejection the fries say "I wish I wasn't potatoes." I thought it was the funniest thing ever. There's something rather modest and unassuming about potatoes, but the idea of something so down-to-earth rejecting his very reality strikes me as ... I dunno. Touching? It takes a lot of guts for spuds to reject their status quo. But it's also so, so emo. I can appreciate it.

me: Emo. Hahaha. I like that word. The kids use it to insult one another at school.

Matt: Don't we all. Except for the emo kids. They hate it like they hate everything. =D

me: The way they used to use "Gothic".

Matt: What grade do you teach?

me: 9/10

Matt: Hrm. They should be enjoying those niches of conformist nonconformity by then.
I think your children are broken. I blame flouride in the water.

me: We have to blame something, I suppose. Fluoride seems like a nice scapegoat.
What else do you want the Sillies to know about you? All 12 of them?

Matt: I don't know. You're running this. You're supposed to have insightful questions.
Things that will make me squirm. So far I've just scratched my nose.

me: World Peace. How can we achieve it?

Matt: The easy way or the way I like?

me: I'm just trying to get you to scratch your butt. "The easy way or the way I like?" First the easy way ... then the way you like ..

Matt: Easy way is to kill almost everyone, save the barest necessary gene pool, erase all traces of technology and stuff, and wipe these new people's memories. Start over.

me: Who would decide who got to be part of the gene pool? Or ... what would the criteria be for getting the snuff?

Matt: Not my call. Lol. I'm just giving you the easiest way of doing it. You'd probably want people with decent genetics across all racial lines, so you get the most diverse pool. But I'm no expert.

me: So ... the way you like?

Matt: Social revolution. People need to pull their heads out of their asses, realize they can choose their destinies, learn how to stop acting like children and see the choices they have and the consequences that go with them, accept responsibility for themselves, the potential they'd have, and the fact that we're all in this together. Oh, and those people up top who are busy oppressing and indoctrinating are just as guilty as the sheep down below. People won't get anywhere without learning and moving past what we are now. Embracing their individualism, but also appreciating the global race. Everyone sits in their own little fiefdoms. Countries, races, parties, states, suburbs, stuff like that. It's death to us, psychologically and spiritually.

me: Holy crap. I agree . And I think many know this. But no one does anything about it.

Matt: Oh, I know.

me: Why do you think this is?

Matt: Easier not to. It takes a lot of effort to throw yourself at the problem. Because you won't win.

me: What should we do?

Matt: Entrophy rules in the end. We can just try to step the tide, and hope it works.

me: Apathy rules.

Matt: That too.

me: It's epidemic.

Matt: Yeah.

me: Your spelling is really good.

Matt: Lol. Not particularly. English and spelling were always my weakest subjects in school.

me: Hahaha. Seems to me ENGLISH is a talent of yours.

Matt: I am a walking juxtaposition of awkward ideals.

me: Did your teachers attack it the wrong way for you?

Matt: Yeah, I think that was it. I could give a shit about sentences and verbs and stuff. It wasn't until I hit literature that I fell off the deep end, and wasn't until I started writing that I learned how to do it. Too much diagramming, not enough story time.

me: Diagramming. Really?

Matt: No. It was stupid fill in the blank worksheets and multiple choice stuff. Great if you're teaching kids how to do well on the ACT and SAT, bad for knowing how to use our language.

me: When I was in high school I never diagrammed a sentence. It wasn't until I was studying to be an English teacher that I ever did that.

Matt: Oh, by high school I had moved on to lit classes. I didn't touch grammar and stuff again.
me: Grammar is intuitive. In order to learn it one must use it.

Matt: I would argue against that. I'm like a hailstorm of commas. That's not intuitive.
Just reject.

me: Does it matter?

Matt: Yes.

me: Would it help if you drilled comma rules?

Matt: No. Lol. I just remain conscious of it. And edit.

me: So ... what's the point? YES! Editing and revision are our friends.

Matt: Because words have power, but only if you know how to use them.

me: I do agree with that. But ... editing and revision. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Matt: Lol. I hate editing, by the way. I should be clear on that. I do it. And I appreciate it. But man does it suck the big one.

me: It's not my fave, especially my own. Yes. It's one of those things that you may be surly doing ... but it is what it is. Do it and move on. Be happy with the results.

Matt: Well, that's life. 80% of it sucks. Better to just try to make light of it and laugh in its face.

me: So ... You didn't really give me much to work with, on taboo topics in our pre-interview interview. Let me try to make you uncomfortable. Pubic hair. Opinion?

Matt: Well, I'm not a big fan of it, to be honest. But I'm not like ... grossed out by it. And I'm a big hairy fucker, and I'm not going to be bothered to fix mine much, so I hardly expect anyone else to do it. That's for people with time on their hands, I guess. And tougher skin than I have. I can barely be bothered to shave my face, and people SEE that regularly.

me: Hahahahahah LMAO. OK. Not uncomfortable. Anal sex? YES? NO? WHY or WHY NOT?

Matt: Yes, both ways. =D

me: Could you be more specific, you big hairy fucker?

Matt: I'll give it, I'll take it. You've got to know what you're doing or you'll fuck up the fuck, to be redundant. Lots of lube, lots of time, and a grasp of anatomy.

me: Hahahhahaha. OK. Still not so much as a flinch. Beastiality?

Matt: Not my thing. I have a furry friend. Trust me, I've heard it all before, and seen the videos on the web. It's illegal, though, right? I try to keep my kinks above board. Just in case I run for president or something.

me: God I hope it's illegal. A furry friend?

Matt: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Furry_fandom

me: OK. I saw something about that on MTV once. Hahaha. Back when I had cable. See what I'm missing?

Matt: Haha. Who needs cable when you have the internet? Seriously.

me: Yes. Indeed. OK ... abortion. Pro or anti? I think you should run for prez so you can implement your plan for world peace, btw.

Matt: They don't call it pro-abortion, though, do they? It's pro choice. Because it's about the woman's rights to her body, and all. Most people aren't for killing babies on principle. I don't really care. I think people should just be more careful with their sex. And get licenses to breed. I mean, have you SEEN these people? They shouldn't be allowed to hold sharp objects, much less have kids.

me: I remind you: I am a teacher. Yes. I've seen it.

Matt: Ah yeah, you know then.

me: I agree -- there should be a test. Hahaha. Many many teachers agree with you.

Matt: I mean, people can be all 'have the kid, put it up for adoption' but then who's going to pay the bills? Not our country, with our draconian medical system. And when little suzie pom squad is rocking stretch marks before she has a license, how's she going to sleep her way into a comfortable life? That's mean ... Oh well.

me: Call it what you want ... pro-abortion, pro-choice, pro-life, pro-kill ... it is what it is.
I agree with you btw.

me: Who do you think SHOULD be the next president, and who do you predict WILL be?

Matt: I don't know who will be. Given the options we're presented, I'd go with Obama, but ... he's still not someone I fully stand behind.

me: Why?

Matt: Well, I'm one of those liberal nutjobs that people are warned about. I <3 Ernie Chambers.

Matt: My friend Tony is president of his fan club. I believe that if we ever achieve world peace the social contract won't be necessary and governments will disolve and we'll achieve a kind of peaceful socialistic anarchy. I think government should take care of everyone, protect us if/when we need protecting (mostly from ourselves), provide us with services that capitalism makes hard to gain (like medical care!) but I think otherwise it's horribly overstepped its bounds. Not just the US, either. I'm not big on government. But I'm not big on corporations and dictators, either. Evils evils everywhere, and not a drop to drink.


me: Ernie <3 <3 < 3 <3 <3.





me: And where does Obama fit in to your ideas?

Matt: He's the least evil of our candidates. I actually used to really like Hillary, but she's done this so wrong. She's a democrat only because the Republicans wouldn't accept a woman. She's so horribly conservative, and she was coasting in on her rich white person caravan, and then when Obama started winning she immediately went dirty. I can't respect that. I just ... can't. I don't want that in a leader. McCain at least is honest about being a conservative tool, and I think that he MIGHT, MIGHT have enough sense to be an okay president. I'm not against conservatives when they show some damn sense. The world needs both types. The problem? They're both so damn old. I guess I'm just a young'un, but I think that most of the problem is that those in power just don't get it. Bush can use The Google all he wants, but we need someone who's going to be able to webcast their fireside talks. Someone who can allow the US to take it's only resources (technology, entertainment, and educated people) and use them to readdress the world with something resembling relevancy.

me: It always seems to boil down to choosing the lesser evil ... doesn't it? Sad. Well ... Matt ... I have one more question before I must shuffle off to buffalo.

Matt: Haha. All right. Do your worst.

me: It is a while off, but are you planning to participate in NaNoWriMo in November and if so, can you give me an idea of what you'll do, and if not, what are you going to do instead? or what you're going to do in the mean time?


Matt: Oh god. Um, big question. me: That's the shocker for you? I ask about anal sex and you don't miss a beat ... but mention NANOWRIMO and it's Oh god. Hahahahaha.

Matt: yes, I'm going to do NANO. I have about six ideas I could go with for books, I dunno if I'll use them. I won't outline them for you unless you really want me to. I might just make something up on the day. I'd advise you to do it, too. As for in the meantime, I'm working on a book. Then I'm going to edit one, then I'm going to do a third draft on my other and start looking for agents. And if I have time, do another, but my year's disappearing so I doubt it.

me: This is turning into more questions. OHHH. Will you be my Tony? Will you kick my ass? Please?

Matt: Haha. I could if you want. I won't coddle, though. He can afford to, he's not writing. I'm a busy guy. When I need to be.

me: I don't need coddling. Manhandle me babay. Hahaha.

Matt: You're singin' my song. ;) me: Sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing. I commend you good sir.


Matt: I do my best. I have other things I'm working on too.

me: You really really really are one of my heros. Someone so young ... writing so much. If only ... if only ... What else are you working on?

Matt: Well, now that my computer doesn't suck, I'm going to get a tablet and try my hand at art. I'm working on harmonica, a music thing. This winter, after NaNo, I'm going to try to build a computer from scratch, which to a technophobe is terrifying. Also trying to read, pick up a few other skills, and expand my horizons.

me: That's a lot of bizness. You better get going so you can work on yer new clever skills. :) Matt: Hah. I don't sleep, that's how I do all this bizness. 5 hours a night, typically.

me: Sleep is for weenies. It's a damn waste of time.

Matt: I'll sleep when I'm rich. Seriously. For a year. On a bed. In the Caribbean. me: Will it be a Tempur Pedic? Or a Sleep Number?


Matt: I'll probably have a new bed every fortnight. Try them all. Of course, this is before my two year bender of hookers and drugs all around the world. I'm like Keith Richards meets Carmen Sandiego.

me: Where in the World it the Literary Rock Star?

Matt: I'll do a photoblog. ;)

me: Videoblog. Mobile blog.

Matt: "Guess what city this attractive young lady is standing in front of?" "Guess what region this smack comes from?"

me: "Guess which bed Matt is trying this fortnight?"

Matt: I'll keep a gallery.

me: YES. Beautiful. I go grade papers now. Then I sleep for five hour.

Matt: Then I'll post a video on youtube, pictures of me every day for this three years, alongside pictures of the beds and then the hookers and drugs, so you know which ones I really enjoyed by how haggard I look. Haha. Enjoy your papers.



me: YES. That is what youtube is missing. Enjoyed the interview. Thanks.

Matt: Thank you. Anytime. ;) I like answering questions.

me: G-nite home skillet.

Matt: night

me: Get at least 5 hours ... unless you get going on that harmonica ... then you can sacrifice an extra hour or so. Laters.

Matt: bai